On their screen at the start of the extract I suddenly noticed a glass in the centre of the room with a large gold key neatly placed on top. They have just finished composing and typing another sentence.
Transcript of Video Extract Two
A: Then we could have her, then we could have this thing. Then suddenly Alice starts talking. Alice says, Mr Rabbit, Mr Rabbit.
B: (very quietly) on top…(Removes p from “top”)
A: (louder and acting) Mr Rabbit, Mr Rabbit…um Where am I? No, Mr Rabbit, Mr Rabbit, please wait.
B: (Moves cursor down to next line. Types opening speech marks and M.)
A: Yea
B: (quietly) on top.
Pause
B: (Deletes “M moves cursor back to the line above and the still incomplete “top”) Actually no (adds p to top and types “of”) That should have “on top of”
A: On top
B: (Deletes “of”) On top
A: (Turns to her partner) Then… (To screen) I picked it up
B: (Types “then”)
A: (turns to B and gestures Traces finger over the text on screen - reads) I suddenly noticed a glass
B: OOH! (Moves cursor to insert “table”) Glass table
A: (waits until the insertion is complete; then reads aloud) in the centre of the room with a large gold key neatly placed on top.
B: Comma (inserts comma after “top)
Commentary
They begn this extract concerned with developing the narrative. They have realised that they need to bring Alice into the story again at this point. A refers to her a "this thing" (a device to establish the strangeness from the Rabbit's point of view and which they maintain when they get to this section again later). She also begins to invent what Alice says, acting out the lines.
B, who is typing, is re-reading the text and is preoccupied with the structure of the previous sentence. She indicates this by repeating the phrase “on top” and removing the p from top as if preparing to recast this part of the writing. She follows her partner’s lead into the next part of the story by opening speech marks and typing "M"; but she is still thinking about the previous sentence. At this stage there is a pause where both appear to be reading the screen. B announces what she thinks is the solution to her uncertainty, moves the cursor and adds “of” after “on top”. A repeats the phrase with a falling intonation that indicates the end of the sentence. B immediately understands, repeats the phrase with the same intonation and deletes her amendment.
A says, 'Then' which signals a return to a focus on creating the narrative. The focus on the previous sentence has led A to read the screen. She traces her finger over the screen, reading aloud. B recognises that the word “table “ is missing. B makes the amendment and reads the sentence. With her determined voicing and inserting of the comma, B makes clear that the previous sentence is still incomplete. The incorrect comma (which should be a full stop or a semi-colon) survives into the final version.
Interactive Education Project, Graduate School of Education,
University of Bristol
Tel: 01179 287105 Email: mary.oconnell@bris.ac.uk
